0 Self Confidence @Work

I dream of a better job, and I dream of quitting my job, and then I took on extra hours. I’m scheduled 50 hours next week, I have 1 day off, Thursday. (I’m also trying to write a novel this month.) However they approved to allow me to come into work late on Sundays for the month of November so I can attend the weekly write-ins.

I really don’t know where to begin or how much is all in my head, and how much to believe. Let’s start with the burn. I was pulling putting back the fryer filter when a coworker we’ll call Chloe, is trying to put nuggets in the fryer next to where I’m kneeling. As she’s dropping nuggets in, I’ve got my arm on the edge of the fryer about to come up to my feet from my knees. A nugget goes plop and I get burned. It hurt. So I clutch my arm to me in pain. Another coworker (I think we call her Vanessa) was standing on the other side of me. She’s saying over and over, “It was one drop! It was one drop! It was one drop!” Well it wasn’t one drop. I’ve got one nickel sized burn, 2 dime sized ones, and a couple of pencil eraser sized ones one both sides of my arm. They hurt. I keep telling Vanessa it hurts. The Manager is agreeing with me. I finish what I was doing, then go to the sink and run cold water over the burns. Vanessa is wailing, mocking me, saying my reaction for clutching my arm to me was delayed and it was only one drop!

I keep telling Vanessa it hurts! It feels like my arm is on fire. Brett, God bless his little cotton socks, brings me a triple antibiotic packet from the first aid kit and says this will help. I thank him. He is the nicest guy sometimes, and I honestly think sometimes, the only one at work who actually likes me.

So I attempt to go on with my shift, I have another fryer to clean, I’m keeping meat up on the holding grill, I’m giving the girl on sandwiches all the spicy chicken she keeps asking for. So I keep hearing Vanessa wail and the girls laughing and joking. I think they’re laughing and joking about me, because I hear Vanessa say, “I got hit in the neck with a fry!” Then she gives this loud wail. So my mood is just tanking. I keep waiting for her to lose interest in the fact she thinks I’m over reacting to being burned. Two hours of this goes on, and I’m seriously trying not to cry. I’m literally yelling at myself in my mind that I’m a grown woman of 35, and I shouldn’t be crying! She is still carrying on to the point that the manager tells her to shut up! The girl on sandwiches tells her to calm down.

I finally decided I need to confront Vanessa about how her mocking me is affecting me. I hear her say, “I almost got hit by a nugget,” Then she wails again. Then I overhear her talking about how I used to call her, ‘Bro Bro,’ which I never did. I was calling Conspiracy Theorist Guy, Bry Bry. So this is how I think she’s about me and I need to make her stop.

I say, “Vanessa! You’re a horrible person for mocking me. You’ve hurt my feelings,” I’m crying freely now.

She says, “Naw I wasn’t talking about you! That was earlier. What made you think I was talking about you?” I tell her her about the wailing she’s been doing all night and she says that is her mating call. She wailed again.

So my self confidence decided to run off and join the other side. Now I’m thinking: What if it’s all in my head? What if she’s right and I’ve just been stewing in my own juices? What if I’m overreacting and over thinking things?

She tells me not to cry and she doesn’t want me to cry. I’m feeling stupid, and of course the tears are flowing faster. The whole shift has come to a stop, I mean everyone is watching. I’m sorry for calling her horrible. I kinda nod that I accept what she’s said. It wasn’t her, it was all in my head and we just go back to work. Nothing is said about it the rest of night.

Now this part I know is in my head, because I heard nothing and made up what I wanted to believe. Jaslene and Brett have been having this work fling thing. They go out to the dumpster together and I think they make out, but I’ve never seen them. Other co workers are speculating that Jaslene just wants an affair and Brett doesn’t seem like the type to settle down with a girl. Anyway after I had my break down, they have a sort of break-up for a couple of hours. They didn’t flirt at all. I mean the entire time my mood was in the shitter, they didn’t flirt. They started flirting again when my mood was better. I think they know I watch them, I don’t say anything except the off sexual comment. Jaslene had the sprayer hose and was trying to spray Brett who was across the room. I shout, “There are better ways to make him wet!”
I like to think that they didn’t flirt while I was feeling sorry for myself and crying was because they had enough respect or liked me enough to not show how great everything was between them while I was feeling so shitty. I have no idea why they didn’t flirt, maybe the manager was watching, dunno. I really shouldn’t be up in the business but I usually say comments about their relationship and Brett agrees with me.


Author: Ransacked Turnip

I'm a dreamer, a coffee drinker, and a lover of animals.

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