When I was diagnosed with clinical depression I was not diagnosed with anxiety because I was diagnosed shortly after being hospitalized because I had reached the breaking point in my life. I actually had reached out to my husband and told him I was suicidal and if someone didn’t stop me I wasn’t much longer for this world. We didn’t know how to get help, or who to go to, so we went to the urgent care, who sent us to the ER, who then admitted me. I didn’t realize I was being admitted until they took my clothes and locked them up. They asked me lots of questions about anxiety and if I heard voices or saw things that weren’t there, about drug and alcohol use. I was so far over the bend that all I could think about was my depression and how worthless I was, how low I felt. While they were admitting me I felt that I was wasting their time with my problems. I wondered why they were bothering with me, surely there were people who were more worthy of help than me.
Now I don’t think I’ve ever had a panic attack, where you’re immobilized, unable to act, but lately I’ve been dreading work so much that I’ve actually felt sick to my stomach on my way to work. It takes everything inside me to go to work everyday. I try to be invisible at work lately. I don’t talk to the others, don’t joke, don’t even just hover around their conversation. I try to keep busy, out of their way, and silent. I hate working a position where I have to communicate with one of them. I don’t think if I have to work drive thru with a non-manager I’ll be able to do it. I’m not sure if this is anxiety or just part of my depression.