It is hard to keep up a blog when nothing really exciting or eventful happens to you. I’ve work a lot lately, five nine hour shifts. Did a few stupid things at work without thinking about it. One I embarrassed a manager in front of his mother, and second I embarrassed myself so bad I cried as I drove home from work. Experienced a ton of self loathing for being so stupid. See I was bitching about another cashier to a head cashier, got told by management who overheard me bitching to not talk about other cashiers. The problem was I should’ve known not to talk about my coworkers, but I did it anyway without thinking.

The other thing are the crazy customers, which brings me to the title of my post. A guy came to my register with a tree and a cart full of items. The tree had a strap around a branch with a barcode on it. I scanned the barcode, and go all the way through the process of ringing him out until it got to the point where he needed to sign. He asked me how much did the tree ring up. I honestly replied I didn’t know, once he signed I would show him the receipt and if it rang up the wrong price he could go to customer service and they would fix it.

He refused to sign for the purchase, told me to void everything. I said I couldn’t at the screen. I could not go back. He needed to sign and we’d solve the problem from there. He refused to sign and refused to go to customer service.So I restarted the computer, hoping it would clear everything out. It didn’t but I was at a screen that allowed me to show the man how much the tree rang up. I showed him: APPLE TREE $27.49.

He says, “I don’t want to buy an apple tree. I want to buy a pear tree.” I tried to tell him that all I did was scan the strap, it rang up the correct price, it didn’t matter. He reiterates that he doesn’t want an apple tree, he wants a pear tree. He then shows me the info tag on the tree which says its a pear tree. So I agree, it must be a pear tree. I told him not to worry what it rang up as. He says again, “I don’t want an apple tree. I want a pear tree. I already have apple trees.” So I call the garden center associate and tell her to bring me a strap from a pear tree so I can ring him up a pear tree. He shouts at the person I’m talking to on the phone that I’m misrepresenting him, that he wants a pear tree, not an apple tree.

So the garden center associate brings over a pear tree, and the man compares the leaves on the first tree to the second, asks my opinion. I tell him I don’t know anything about fruit trees. He eventually decides to buy both trees, makes me scan the pear tree tag twice, and remove the apple tree tag from the purchase. This took twenty minutes. He held up the line for TWENTY minutes, other customers were looking at me with pity. Once I had him the receipt he says to me, “That was an easy sale, right?” I actually thought about punching him.


The Memoirs of a Witch


Should I Just Make Shit Up?

My biggest problem with maintaining a blog or journal is not that much crap happens to me… on a regular basis. In the past I blogged about the all the ill treatment at my last job, but right now my job isn’t bad.

I work in a big box store at the customer service desk and my only really complaints are how hard it is to get my co workers to  pull an item awaiting pick up or picking an item for an internet order. Getting someone to load anything heavy. Also I dislike closing with one particular head cashier who is unbelievably negative. Then there are the clopens. Did one yesterday, got another next week.
Been working on a mandala jacket:
This one is of my own design again. I liked the colors of the yarn, but I really should go get a dark color yarn or a neutral one.
I still can’t get less than 140 lbs.
I haven’t really tried any new recipes. I did however put up a window film on my daughter’s window, who was late to school this morning. Perfect attendance until I finally tell her she’s responsible for getting herself up on the morning. (She’s 13.)

Dream 1/15/17

So I dreamed the zombie apocalypse happened and had happened several years or even generations ago. There was a legend that someone had discovered a way to reverse the zombie plague (turn zombies back into people) so a group of people research the person who created the cure, and then much like a zombie DaVinci Code discover where the guy hid the cure or rather where the instructions to the cure were hidden. So the group of people sacrifice everything, even not worrying about companions being bitten because once they get the cure, they’ll be able to turn people back.

So they find the final resting place of the cure (a public bathroom hidden in the toilet paper dispenser) and open the container that should contain the instructions for the cure. It is in fact instructions on how to build an ark to save humanity. (I dunno if it was to send humanity to another planet or just put them in cryostasis and wait until the zombies die off.) See the legend began as this guy had a way to save humanity and over time people thought it was the cure for the zombie plague.

Dream 1/14/17

Dreamed the Sims was a VR type world (think the movie 13th floor) where you could walk among and interact with your sims. Well I told my favorite sim, a middle aged black man, that I was a player and him and his world were just a computer simulated game. He referred to me as the Creator. I grant him immortality and that causes him to become obsessed with death and the death of the sims in his town. He collects their obituaries. He meets a young girl, and befriends her, but she realizes eventually as she grows up that he doesn’t age and begins to think he is Death because of his noticeable obsession with it. My favorite sim falls in love with her and wants me to grant her immortality so they can be together. I inform him it was a one time gift.

We travel back and forth in time and we notice that his computer simulated world is going to end in an apocalypse (I think a meteor was going to hit). My favorite sim asks me to travel back to the present, grab the girl he’s also fallen in love with, and bring her to the future and put her on this rocket I created that was sending the sims to colonize another virtual planet or something. Even though the apocalypse was not going to happen during her lifetime, my favorite sim wanted her on this rocket. So I oblige and she wants my favorite sim to come with her.

And I woke up.

Turnip Amigurumi

Been needing a turnip crochet pattern to make a mascot for my blog.

HappyHooker's Blog

G Hook

Cotton yarn in Purple, Ecru, Green


SC – single crochet

INC – 2 sc in same stitch

DEC – Work decrease over next 2 stitches in front loop for invisible decrease

CH – chain

SL ST – slip stitch

Note: Join each row with slip stitch. Do not work in spiral.

With Ecru, Ch 7

R1: Sc 6 in 2nd chain from hook. (6)

R2: Sc around (6)

R3: (Sc, inc) 2x (9)

R4: Rep R 2 (9)

R5: Inc around (18)

R6: (Sc, inc) around (36)

R7: (Sc 2, inc) around (54)

R8-9: Rep R2 (54)

Switch to Purple

R10-11: Rep R2 (54)

R12: (Sc 2, dec) around (36)

R13: (Sc, dec) around (18)

R14: (Sc, dec) around (12)

R15: Dec around (6)

Switch to Green

R16: Rep R2 (6)

R17: *(Sc, ch 10, sc, ch 10, sc) in first st. Skip next st. ** Rep…

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I started with this pattern: Crocodile Stitch Adult Hat It was confusing. I thought they were gonna do photo steps all the way, but nope, they stopped the photos when I needed them the most such as in how to decrease the beanie. So then I tried to go ahead and wing it, my beanie wound up too small. I discovered I had decreased too much, too quickly. Then I went ahead and tried to figure out their patten and when I decreased the way they did, my hat was not as symmetrical as my winged version. So I decided to redo the hat, using my ideas, and just add more rows of scales before decreasing.

Here is my pattern:
We’ll be using chain, slip stitch, double crochet, front post double crochet. You’ll also need a yarn needle to bring the ending hole closed once the crocheting is done. Pick your yarn, and then whatever needle is suggested. I used I Love This Yarn: Pastels and an H hook.
The rows will be discussed in prep and scales.
Chain 72 (a scale is 4 stitches, so if you need to make the hat bigger or smaller add or remove in multiples of 4). Slip stitch to make a ring. Now their pattern has you go around once with a hdc, or you can just jump in and set up your prep row. When you’re ready to start your prep row, you chain (ch) 3, then double crochet (dc) in the same hole as the ch 3. Ch 1 (you’ll always ch 1 after every dc), skip 1 stitch (st) and dc, ch 1, dc, ch 1, dc in same hole as the previous dc (st should look like a V).

You’re going to continue this until you reach your ch 3. The V st will be your scale, and the single dc is your anchor post so your scales lay flat. Your last st should be a post before your sl st to the top of the chain 3. Ch 1.

 Now we’re done with the prep row, time to start the scales.

 You’re going to front post double crochet 5 times around the ch 3 post. When you’re done with the 5 dc you should be at the bottom of the post.

Now we’re going to do 5 dc up the dc we did after we chained 3. Then you’re going to slip stitch (sl st) around the anchor post.

Congrats, you’ve got one scale made. Now to do this until you’ve anchored to the last post and should be back at the beginning of your scales. Once you anchor your last scale, ch 3, dc in the same st, ch 1, we’re gonna do another prep row just like the last one, instead of using stitches, we’re gonna use the scales to help up prep. Each scale should be between two scales of the previous row and each post in the center of a scale. So once you’ve done the ch 3, dc, ch 1, your next dc will be in the center of the scale below it. Chain 1, then dc in space between the scales, ch 1, dc in same space, ch 1.

Then put on your scales.

Put on as many rows of scales as you want depending on how slouchy you want your beanie. The first time I did this, I only put on 3 rows before decreasing and my beanie looked like this:

It looked lovely, but it didn’t fit on my head right, and I couldn’t pull it down to cover my ears, and reminded me too much of the top of an acorn. The blue beanie at the top of this post is my 3rd beanie I’ve made, and I put on 6 rows of scales before decreasing. With the beanie I photoed for this post I also put on 6 rows, but 5 would’ve been fine too:
So up to you how many rows of scales before you start decreasing, cause when we start you’ll be ready to close the end hole after 4 rows.

The decrease! So you’ve got your 5 or 6 rows of scales, this prep row will be a little different, we’re gonna skip some scales. So you’re going to ch 3, dc in same st, ch 1, dc in the center of the scale below, ch 1, dc in the space between the scales, ch 1, dc in the same space, ch 1, (like normal, but once you’ve prepped 4 scales, count the scales below, so you should have a V that needs an anchor post, instead of putting the anchor in the center of the next scale, you’re going to skip that scale and anchor in the next scale in line.) So every 4 scales we’re gonna skip one when building the prep row. Don’t skip the last scale before you join the prep row.
(Now I feel hypocritical, I complained about how the other pattern didn’t have decrease photos, and I noticed that when I posted my photo, I’d made a mistake in it. It shows the skipped scale, but the skip is wrong, it should be a V, then skip a scale so the post goes in the center of the next scale.)
This photo is incorrect.
Not sure if you can see this. By my index finger is the scale, see how it anchors to the center of the next scale? I took this photo after finishing the hat.
Next prep row, we’re gonna do the same as we did before, but now you’re gonna set up for 3 scales, and then skip a scale. Add scales as normal.
Next prep is 2 scales, skip a scale. Add scales as normal.
Next prep is you’re gonna skip every other scale. Should be just 4 scales.
This photo might help show the scale skips.See, post, V, skipped scale, post.
When you tie off your project leave a long tail. You’re gonna thread this tail through a yarn needle and sew the small hole closed.

Stitch around the edge, and then you’ll pull it closed.
Turn the hat inside out and tie off the yarn.
Enjoy your beanie!