Decisions & How to Fuck Up at Work

If only this worked 100% of the time. Now before you say it can, I have a husband, two children, a mortgage and car payment… and credit card debt and some loan debt. Decisions are now made based upon what is the best choice for us as a family unit.

I posted this in reference to work actually. So I fucked up yesterday. Not royally, not in front of any customers, and nothing that would affect the reputation or sales of the company. What I did was call a supervisor a dick. Not to her face not to her supervisor, but to a lateral supervisor.

I owned up to it. I sent an e-mail to my manager about being angry and how I lashed out and how unprofessional it was and I apologized.

I was angry because I had been placed in a boring position and was lonely and no one came and checked on me for four and a half hours. I literally felt forgotten about. No one came by and asked if I needed anything, or if I was doing okay. So I was seething and angry, and just stewing about how I hadn’t gotten a break. It wasn’t this shift, it was a lot of shifts that once I got lunch, I didn’t get another break, and I worked a shift where I got nothing, no break, no lunch. So this shift it seemed that I wasn’t getting a break (and I didn’t get one) and I felt like it was because this one Head Cashier doesn’t like me. (Probably anxiety talking, where I feel like I just bother people by breathing.) I felt singled out, so I told the Head Cashier, not the one that I think doesn’t like me, but another one that So & So is Dick. The Head Cashier said I shouldn’t say that, especially to another Head Cashier and she wouldn’t say anything.

So after I sent the e-mail, I sat there and wondered if I had made the right decision. I mean the Head Cashier said she wouldn’t say anything (but I didn’t trust her) figured she might tell it as a story to someone else, and then someone else would go tell the Head Cashier I think doesn’t like me. I’m still second guessing if I should’ve sent the e-mail or not. If I’m going to have a job when I show up to work on Thursday. I’m literally drowning in anxiety here.

My biggest problem is I’ll make a decision, then later worry about if I made the wrong one, then change my decision and again worry if the I had made the right choice the first time.