#MeToo Mom of a Depressed Teen

I used to air my dirty laundry (to a degree) on this blog. The idea of this blog was to be sort of an anonymous truth and usually ugly truth of the things that happen in my life. If you look back 2 years ago I was having huge problems with my coworkers at a fast food joint. However today is to really talk about my daughter, J14, and how I feel like I’m failing her as a parent.

I read books about teens and depression. She came to me in January and said she was having not only suicidal thoughts but was beginning to dwell on them long enough to come up with a couple suicidal scenarios. Now I did not want to be one of those parents (and this is not a strike at any parent) who had a child commit suicide and be saying: I had no idea! If only they had come to me!
The reason I mention this is because my parents were almost those parents. In the 5th grade I had written my suicide note (5th Grade!) and it was discovered by a student who sat next to me, took my note to the teacher and I swear the only help I got was from the school. I had weekly sessions with the school counselor, who firmly believed my problem was rooted in bullying, and I was bullied, but really I was trying to get away from my sexual abuser and at 11, the only way I knew how was to either run away (which I attempted multiple times) or just kill myself. (A side note: I did tell someone, not that I was depressed, but that I was being sexually molested, and the person I told… didn’t believe me. She told me to stop making up bad stories to hurt people. If she didn’t believe me: who would?) At 14 I finally did get away from my abuser, but this post really isn’t about me, it’s about my daughter. However I do have a kinship with her because she is going through exactly what I went through.

At 12 my daughter was sexually molested, she never told me, I found out when her abuser was arrested for something else, and he confessed to it. Lucky for him, he was in police custody or I would have killed him. No doubt in my mind I would have killed him, then called the police and let them arrest me. The state offered some family counseling and we attended 6 weekly sessions, but at 12 my daughter didn’t seem all that problematic with what happened to her. At 14 she really began to develop problems and I immediately got her help. I started reading books about teen depression, teen PTSD, how to be a parent of a child with depression, how to live with someone with PTSD. J14 was hospitalized for two days, and released, but no follow up therapy afterwards, no medication. Russ and I sought out a therapist for her, found one we liked and can afford. J14 likes her. However it wasn’t enough, the therapist came to us and said she needs medication and more intense therapy. We took J14 back to the hospital, she was not hospitalized but placed in an Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOT) which is not cheap and we can barely afford. She’s still having her meds adjusted, J14 is taking Lexapro (which is not cheap) and Trazadone. She says mood wise she feels better, but she’s still having trouble coping.

From what I understand J14 is being bullied at school (when addressed to the school they said that it has to continue happening to be considered bullying 😡) She’s isolated herself from her friends and her grades are in the toilet. Which are all the things I did in 8th grade. I only did work in the classes I liked, Science and electives, and did 0 class work or homework in Math, Social Studies, English… I literally did nothing but read books in the back of English while the teacher lectured. All through school I was showing the signs of suicide (and my daughter is showing them too) but back then I had no idea what the signs were.

So for anyone who needs to know:
Signs of Suicide

  • withdrawal from friends and family members
  • trouble in romantic relationships
  • difficulty getting along with others
  • changes in the quality of schoolwork or lower grades
  • rebellious behaviors
  • unusual gift-giving or giving away own possessions
  • appearing bored or distracted
  • writing or drawing pictures about death
  • running away from home
  • changes in eating habits
  • dramatic personality changes
  • changes in appearance (for the worse)
  • sleep disturbances
  • drug or alcohol abuse
  • talk of suicide, even in a joking way
  • having a history of previous suicide attempts
I chose this list because out of all those I glanced over this one had: changes in appearance. In 4th grade my hair was down to my pockets on my jeans. In 5th Grade I cut it down to a bob below my ears. My daughter’s main symptom? She cleaned her room and got rid of things I thought she cared about (like her Build a Bear Owl). 
After saying all this: This post was originally about how do I get my daughter’s grades up. She’s almost at the point that she may have to repeat 8th grade. (I, by miracle, actually passed and went onto Freshman High School.) The worst part is I don’t know if there is time for her to do it. Last day of school is May 23rd, she has a month. 😣


What I Did On My Vacation or Nerd Raging @ Black & White

I took a vacation from April 10th to April 17th. We couldn’t afford to go anywhere and work was sorta stressing me out. I try to take a vacation from work at least twice a year. My next vacation will be in October or November. Once again probably won’t be able to go anywhere. The vacation in April is always across my wedding anniversary which is on April 14th. Paul (husband) and I had only planned on dinner on the 13th because the 14th fell on a Friday and we didn’t want to wait for food.

  • April 10th, Day 1 – We slept in, took my daughter to the dentist, cleaned and rearranged the living room and had dinner at the mall where we spent too much money on candles. Husband played FF6 (FF3 in the US) and I played Oxygen Not Included.
  • April 11th, Day 2 – We slept in, took my daughter to the dentist (she had two appointments back to back), cleaned the kitchen,  I made spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. Paul played his game and I played mine.
  • April 12th, Day 3 – We slept in, cleaned the bathroom, our bedroom and then had a visit from our pest control services. I wanted them to eat leftover spaghetti for dinner, ended up having hot dogs from QT,
  • April 13th, Day 4 – Paul and I got up, went to Maggiano’s for lunch, realized we were nearly broke. I ordered shoes from Sears. I tried to get the family to eat spaghetti leftovers for dinner, wound up eating the leftover Maggiano’s. Paul played his game I played mine.
  • April 14th, Day 5 – We slept in, paid bills, and went to KMart to grab a few groceries since the only card with money on it was my Sears card. I started playing Black & White. Even though this was our actual wedding anniversary we did 0 celebrating. Paul continued his FF6 game. At the end of the evening we started watching the TV show Once Upon A Time.
  • April 15th, Day 6 – Paul’s vacation started 2 days before mine and ended two days before, so he went to work. I played Black & White all day. When he came home, we watched Once Upon a Time and I insisted everyone have leftover spaghetti.
  • April 16th, Easter, Day 7 – I couldn’t afford to drive to visit anyone and stayed home with the kids and played Black & White. Paul came home from work and we watched Once Upon a Time. I totally nerd raged at my game over losing 8 hours of progress.
  • April 17th, Day 8 – Played Black & White.
So I got all the way to Land 5, which is the last land. Your Creature is cursed. He shrinks, gets weak, and turns the opposite alignment as you. Well until Land 5 I was a Good god. So my Creature turned Evil. I tried to win at it as a Good god, but when looking at walkthroughs most just say kill everyone in the village so it turns neutral and then drop a missionary in. BOOM you got your village. Well doing this turned me Evil.
Now I had the auto-save turned on, and dealt with its long saving and often saving. After I took my 3rd village, leaving only 2, the game crashed. No big deal, auto save, yo. It put me back at the END OF LAND 4. 😠 What really pissed me off was it kept my Evil alignment and my Creature’s cursed form, tiny, weak, and Evil. 😡 So I tried to start a new game. IT KEPT MY EVIL ALIGNMENT! So I tried to play Creature Isle which is the Xpack for Black & White 1. Even though I OWN Black and White and the Xpack (purchased when it was newly released) I never played the expansion because I never beat the original game. IT KEPT MY EVIL ALIGNMENT IN CREATURE ISLE! So in the end I just deleted my old profile and started a new one. I’m on Land 2.

The Year in Review…

I’m writing this before work while eating toast trying to get rid of a hangover if that says anything about 2016 I dunno what does.

2016 for me was a horrible year, not as bad as 2015 according to my husband. In 2015 I was hospitalized for suicidal tendencies. I had lost my job, a dream job that I had finally decided to make a career. I had friends, I had great connections, and once I was fired I was suddenly non existent to these friends and connections. I felt invisible and was overwhelmed with loneliness and self loathing that I thought the only way to solve my problems was to remove myself from this world. Then after getting help, getting medication, and getting better, my brother-in-law was arrested for downloading child pornography and molesting my daughter, all under my roof and I didn’t know it until the police barged through the door. I panic now at loud noises. However that was 2015, we’re here to talk about 2016.

2016 brought bed bugs, head lice, mites (on the rats) and fleas. So basically the year of the parasites. I had to borrow money to pay for a heat treatment for the bedbugs, took 3 weeks to get rid of my daughter’s head lice (you wanna know what worked? Vinegar, she smelled like a salad for a while, and after drenching her head in straight vinegar I spent 2 hours pulling out nits.) I’m still battling fleas. I’m hoping once it turns cold and stays cold, I’ll be able to  get rid of them.

2016 also brought change. I changed jobs twice. In February I got a job at KFC, liked my work, liked my hours, was offered full time, was making minimum wage though. I quit because the management didn’t like me and when I worked, I worked entirely with management. When I accepted full time I went from 40 hours a week to 10. I quit in April and started at Wendy’s. Once again I liked what I did, the hours weren’t bad. I was hired to close the dining room, so when I cleaned the dining room I listened to audiobooks (which is how I managed to read so many books this year). This job was the opposite of KFC, the management liked me, but my coworkers did not. My coworkers were some of the laziest, unkind, and entitled acting people I’d ever met. I spent so much of my blog complaining about the goings on at Wendy’s. So I went looking for a new job, got one at MotoMart making $0.75 more an hour. I quit after 3 days! I’m so glad I did. I was treated worse there than any other place I’d ever worked. In November I quit Wendy’s and got a job beginning of December with Lowe’s. They pay me a lot more, but work my a lot less. Still the paychecks are about the same. I like Lowe’s better so far, the management and the co workers all seem cool.

2016 brought new lessons in home-ownership, like calling two different a/c repair guys and one telling me I need a new a/c unit and the other just cleaning it (which fixed its problems.) In December the bathtub drain started to leak and I’m so very proud of myself, watched YouTube videos and replaced the tub drain for about $30 and it only took maybe an hour of work. I spent most of the time playing with the plumber’s putty. Also the desktop computer crapped out twice, which caused me to replace the outlet it is plugged into on my own. Once again, only cost like $20 and took me maybe 30 minutes. We also learned the difference between “power strip” and “surge protector.”

2016 saw me return to World of Warcraft after watching the Warcraft movie. I’m in a good guild, with good people, who play everyday and we chat in Discord, every day. I started streaming my gaming, but I’m not the greatest at commentary, but I’m working on it. I’m also crocheting so much I decided to open up an Etsy shop. We’ll see how long this goes. I’m currently making a scarf and a shawl to put up for sale. Might make an afghan too.

2016 gave Paul a car, he has a Hyundai Genesis now, so now no more new car envy, well except the fact the car is gold and not maroon or blue which are his favorite colors. We have a car payment (which is why I have a job) for the first time in years. This car is also a lot newer than any car we’ve ever bought. Before though we bought an old Ford Explorer for $650, then put $300 with the work into to get it legal. Then we traded it in on the Genesis, how much did they give us for it? $400.

I lost my grandmother in July of 2016, other than some cousins I haven’t seen since my mother’s funeral I have no living family on my mother’s side. It was also the first time I ever planned a funeral. I have all of grandma’s things from the nursing home, and most I threw away, but I still have her recliner, no idea what to do with it.

I gained a cat in 2016, Black Betty, who is the perfect cat except that she’s really gross and will sneeze globs and strings of snot everywhere. She sleeps by my arms at night, she rides on my shoulders, she’s annoying, but not a much as the other cats. I also gained a dog, I have a Beagle named Maggie and her whining for whatever she wants bugs the hell out of me. Last night she kept pacing the room, and I have hardwood floors so all I heard was tap, tap, tap, tap, She’s a good dog, but the most annoying pet I own. She whines for everything! To be petted, to get on the couch, to be fed, to be watered, to go outside, for a treat, to go for a walk, to ride in the car…

I admit my 2016 blog was mostly about depression and how work sucked, but it also was something else. It was the first time I kept up a blog. I mean I picked blogging back up in May and yes there are some gaps in there. I didn’t blog everyday (my life isn’t that exciting or dramatic) but I managed to blog at least several times a month. I’ve been playing Sims 3 and I could do a whole blog about the drama in that game! Or like how I laid in bed last night wondering if I was a Sim…

I hope to post about my resolutions next (there aren’t that many) and hopefully find a way to keep them.

Also today is my mother’s birthday. She’d have been 58.

Probably a Long Rambling Post

My husband texts me, says he read something and is worried about me. So either he read my journal (I occasionally write in a paper one) or he read my blog. Cause my last post was about having suicidal thoughts and the blog is the only thing I’ve told so far. Good for him, because I at least had 1 person read my blog. 

So let’s talk depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in July of last year when I got fired from my job at Six Flags. From there life was just too much for me to handle. I progressed quickly from suicidal thoughts to the point of deciding how to do it, and the next step would be when and then to do it. I remember even googling what to do when I had suicidal thoughts. Like just now I googled, “Are suicidal thoughts normal?” It took browsing through two articles to find one that says no, they aren’t. I assume that I’m like everyone else, not as smart, or as graceful, but my mind must think the same way. I spend a great deal of time talking to myself mentally, and I mean I hold mental conversations with myself. I hold mental conversations with people around me, trying to predict what they will say, and then how I will reply. (I’ve learned that they never say anything near what I’ve predicted, and therefore don’t get to use my carefully formulated clever reply.) So back to the suicidal thoughts, if I have them, then everyone must have them from time to time right? Apparently, no, not everyone has them. My husband doesn’t have them, and he doesn’t understand why I have them.
I recently googled how to explain depression to someone, and reached this article: How to Explain Depression to a Loved One The article was informative, but it feels to me like it’s written to explain to a new significant other that you have depression. I’ve been married for 16 years, and yes, over the years my diaries are full of the line, “I’m so depressed.” However I didn’t have suicidal thoughts until 2015. (Sort of. I’m going to insert a story here.)
In 5th grade, I was 11 years old, and being sexually molested by my brother, had told my mother who didn’t believe me. I was being bullied at school, but I kept going back to the bullies for more name calling and shaming, because I believed that the boys treated me like that because they liked me. (However at this point I noticed they didn’t treat all the girls the same way they treated me, they were nice and had conversations with them.) I wrote what could best be explained as a suicide note. I truly believed no one cared for me or about me. Another kid across from me got the note, read it, gave it to the teacher, who then sent me to visit the counselor. I told her that no one cared about me, no one loved me, and that no one would miss me when I was gone because no one was nice to me. She told me that Jerry cared (the kid who got his hands on my note) which was why he gave the note to the teacher. Up until that moment, Jerry hadn’t said more than 2 words to me the entire school year, we didn’t travel in the same social circles (and at that time I didn’t even have a social circle) so afterwards I honestly thought he might have been a friend I didn’t know I had. Nope, he had only given the note to the teach because according to him, “It was the right thing to do.” He and I had 0 relationship before my note, and 0 relationship after, even though I tried to make friends with him. I never told the school about my brother, only that I was being bullied. So this was the first time I had suicidal thoughts. Looking back I don’t remember my mother’s reaction, I mean the school had to tell her. She probably got mad at me and thought I was trying to get attention. At some point I gave up the notion of suicide and tried other alternatives… I brought a knife to school, fully intending to flash it to the bullies to get them to leave me alone, and that day my pocket had gotten ripped off my coat, the knife fell out and my bullies actually picked it up from the ground and turned it in. I tried running away a couple of times. Once I was caught by the school and they talked me into returning back to the school, and the second time I got a couple of miles away from home, and turned around because at 13 I realized I couldn’t support myself.

So I’ve shown signs of mental illness probably all my life and it took 34 years to finally get diagnosed, and I was suddenly worried that was it normal for people to be diagnosed with depression at such an age? Yes, actually most women are diagnosed with depression between the ages of 40 and 54. I probably would’ve been diagnosed earlier if anyone had actually noticed my behavior. I became secluded as a teen, usually only one friend, or at times no friends, I buried myself in books, I didn’t leave my room, I actually started skipping school in high school just to read books in the forest. Then my brother got accused of rape and my mother pulled me from high school to keep me away from my friend who accused my brother of rape (charges were dropped) but I never went back to high school. My mother enrolled me into a diploma through the mail course, where they mailed me books, I took tests and mailed them back. I never completed it. I took on a life of sleeping all day, watching movies and night, drinking the booze that my mother bought for us, getting felt up by my boyfriend who was two years older, and um I was 14-16 through this. At 15 I got a job at Six Flags. Somehow I managed without professional help to get through life.
So this is what my husband doens’t understand. I’m not having suicidal thoughts all the time, they seem to pop out when I’m really overwhelmed, and lately I’ve been overwhelmed at work because I hate my coworkers. They treat me horribly, and when I get angry at the treatment they get angry at me because I got angry. However I’ve always thought that apologizing for wrongdoing was always the bigger thing to do. So I usually end up apologizing for being angry at them for mistreating me.
I also don’t know how to explain to him that I’m not feeling depressed all the time. When I’m feeling the most depressed it feels like a great weight on my shoulders and I’m constantly reminding myself of how useless and inferior I am, and though I try to better myself, I always seem to go back to the same old loop. I’m a failure, a waste of space, and people’s lives would be better if I wasn’t in them. A lot of this comes from the way I perceive people treating me. However is gets complicated because I have a really great husband who loves me, and has put up with me for the past 16 years. My children are great, they have good grades and friends, and confidence. I didn’t try to shelter them from how cruel the world is and how mean people can be but I rather tried to prepare them for it. I explained that if anyone called my daughter names or mistreated her at school isn’t wasn’t because they liked her, it was because they were a bully, and to report it to a teacher or tell me. If someone likes you, they’re kind to you. Well the only people at work who seem kind to me are the management and Brett and Conspiracy Theorist Guy.
So I found this website: 10 Signs of Walking Depression I’m depressed, don’t always appear depressed (and sometimes I don’t feel depressed) and still function.

Intuitive Sucks!

I don’t consider myself an empath. Like psychics I don’t believe they exist, but if they did I would almost consider myself one. An empath, not a psychic, psycho for sure, but not a psychic. However, along with ghosts and aliens, I’m opening minded, and haven’t seen either, so if someone could prove to me they were a psychic or an empath, I would be made to believe.

I’ve always considered myself passionate. I care about things and people and stuff. I also cry very easily. I cry when I’m insulted, I cry when bad things happen to strangers, I cry at commercials, movies, songs and video games. I cried at the end of God of War 3. My husband says, “Why are you crying? He was an asshole!”

I’ve never been able to figure out or read body language well, can’t tell if people are lying or not unless I know the truth before they lie. I’m a trusting soul, and very forgiving. However I’ve always picked up on emotion. Not that I can tell someone is sad or angry, but often I feel it too. Let me give an example:

A girl and I did not get along at work. She has a bad attitude. She was recently talked to by management and told to get a better attitude. She didn’t like me because she said I was calling her racial slur (I wasn’t) just because I knew she didn’t like it. Well suddenly she had a great new attitude. She was friendly, she said please and thank you, she addressed me by name. I even commented to management about her turn around. I hoped that now we might be able to be work friends. One day I came into work and she wouldn’t talk to me. I could just feel it coming off her, and I asked her if she was alright. She just turned away from me. So I let a few minutes pass (I was gathering up courage) and I could already feel the the tears coming. So I told her that if she was upset with me, I was sorry, and that if I do something that upsets her, she has to let me know. (By this time I was crying.) Because if she’s upset then I’m upset. She says she just has a lot on her mind.

Let’s talk about Brett, Brett is my favorite employee at the fast food company I work for. He is so many times wonderful. He’s extremely quiet, and when he does speak, it is usually in hushed tones. He’s like a severe introvert at work, but I asked him if he was as introverted at work as he was with friends and he said no. I make it my goal to tell him things that will make him smile or shake his head in disbelief. When I asked if he would miss me when I quit the fast food job he said yes that there will be 1 less person around who actually works. I took that as a huge compliment. Anyway, Brett gets angry easily. He has a temper, and I’ve seen it, he’s never taken it out on me, but he’s been cruel to some cooler doors, and boxes. So last Sunday he’s angry, I can feel it. However unlike where the girl was upset and I was upset too, I don’t get angry. I feel his anger, but I turn it into avoidance and attempt to try to diffuse his anger.

He was angry several nights ago over the fact he had to close grill and back room. So I offered to go halfsies on grill with him. He cleaned the chicken grill and fryer filters and I’d do the rest. He agreed and it calmed him down. On Sunday he was having to close inside sandwiches and back room, so I went to him again and said I’d help him. (Once again, his being angry was bringing me to tears, but I didn’t cry.) He told me no, he wasn’t going to close the sandwich station the way that management wanted. It wasn’t fair that he was the one who always had to close multiple stations.

Of course after typing this out and trying to explain what it feels like to feel something from another person. It is probably just all inside my head, and I just worry myself to tears, but I so often take it upon myself to make others feel better or to not feel alone or to just let them know that I know how they feel.

Workplace Trolls & Other Stuff

I missed a day of work from my fast food job when I was trying to transition from fast food to c-store, and apparently I missed more of Shariah (voicebox ripper girl) picking on Mason (my hero.) When he came into work last night he asked her, “So what adjunct am I today?” I was not part of the conversation.

“What?” She asked.
“What adjunct am I today? First I was white, then gay, so what am I today?” Apparently Shariah called him gay the day I missed work. Shariah didn’t answer him. She did however spend the shift going on about how she hates fat people. Shariah is 5’2″ and probably weighs a 100 lbs. She didn’t get fat people, she doesn’t know how people allow themselves to get that fat. I wanted to tell her that some people have medical issues (such as thyroid problems) and that is a reason for their obesity. Or it is genetic (where the body lacks the signal of feeling full), or even self medicating (eating makes us happy, that is why we eat). I eventually got tired of listening to her (I’m overweight and I know exactly why) and said, “Because I love food and I hate to exercise.”
While in the middle of writing this I actually paused and tried to figure out what word best describes Shariah. She says negative things to elicit a response, such as walking around saying she hates white people or fat people, and it took me a bit to realize she’s a troll. I honestly usually don’t come across trolls outside of the internet anymore.
I found this article: Dealing With Workplace Trolls
Now for the other stuff. So in April I borrowed $1900 from my grandfather to treat the bedbugs in the house. I’ve been paying him back every month either $100 or $200, I currently still owe him $1300. Apparently my daughter told my family about our car problems, like we spent $650 on a Ford Explorer that required almost $600 with the work (we got have of that done for free) and now it is on its last legs (wheels?). It has started taking longer to crank to get it to start, and it knocks after it has been running for awhile. Then my husband’s Chrysler is running rough, engine also knocks. So my grandfather calls me and says I don’t have to pay back the loan, to use that money to buy a new car. My best friend says that is a great, but I’m feeling that way. We just bought a new car, that Ford Explorer (well new to us.) Then there is the paying back the money part. When my husband and I borrow money, we pay it back. We’ve never defaulted on a loan. I asked my husband how long have we lived in our house, 4 years, he says. “How many times have we been late on the mortgage in 4 years?”
I have issues with my brother. Yes, he came through, he replaced the fuel pump and a ball joint in the Explorer, but there is just so much he needs to make up for, and then there are somethings he can’t make up for, he won’t even admit to it. However one thing my brother does not do it pay back money. He borrowed $1000 from me and never paid it back. My grandfather says that Rob borrows money all the time and is real bad about paying him back and this was my chance to prove that I am better at something than my brother. (I’m actually a lot better than my brother at a lot of things, I’m better at being kind, better looking, I can crochet better, write better, teach better, better at being creative…) However this was my chance to prove to my family that I was better than my brother at something. My brother is the golden boy of the family, and I’m like some sort of afterthought like, “Oh that’s right, he has a sister, we should invite her to the family functions too.” (It isn’t really like that, but that is how I feel.)
Let’s talk how estranged I am from my family. I see most of them only on Thanksgiving & Christmas, and I want to point out that all of them live with in 40 minutes or less of me. My brother sees them all the time. He goes hunting or fishing or farting around at the ‘farm.’ My grandfather has 80 acres in Ste Genevieve. I have never been there and don’t even know where it is located exactly. I only know it is in Ste Genevieve. I’ve never been invited to go to the farm. Or for my grandfather’s birthday the family gets together every year at their favorite restaurant called Crusoe’s. I’ve only ever gone twice and only ever been invited four times, not since I’ve been married, I mean ever.

Racism @ Work Part 2

Last weekend (August 26th & 27th) were the worst days in my entire time at my job. I didn’t even blog about it because I wasn’t sure if I should. I’ve blogged about the girl who works in Drive-Thru that doesn’t like me. I was totally fine with her not liking me, she doesn’t have to like me, she does have to work with me though.

Well I had sort of a meltdown at work. On August 26th, the girl in Drive-Thru (we’ll call her Wanda) got mad at a supervisor for telling her to stock her station because she was standing there and talking with the other Drive-Thru girl. Wanda goes and gets the store manager (we’ll call him Eric). In the middle of Drive-Thru she starts complaining about how the other manager treats her. I was working fries so I was right next to the the Drive-Thru. Next thing I overhear is Wanda saying, “She knows I don’t like it.”
Eric replies, “Have you told her?”
Wanda says, “She knows I don’t like it. She doesn’t like me because I’m black. She likes Christine (not real name) because she’s white!” Christine is of mix race, her mother is white, and her father is black. At the moment I walked past Drive-Thru, glanced over at Wanda who pointed to me and said, “You’re racist! Tell him you’re racist!” She indicated Eric. I calmly replied I was not racist and being called racist was offensive to me. Honestly I didn’t like the girl because she was lazy and mean and acted entitled. Her skin color didn’t have anything to do it with anything. However I was concerned for my job because Wanda is a member of management that I would be written up, or fired.

On August 27th, I was working fries again and I greeted a coworker (whom I liked and was black) we’ll call her Shariah. She didn’t have her hat on or her weave in and I complimented her about how nice her real hair looked. She told me she missed her hair appointment, I empathized with her, asked if she was going blonde again, and she said she was. An hour later she comes over to me with her finger crooked. I asked if she broke a nail, she replied no, so I asked what was up. She says to me, “I wish I could hook my finger into your voicebox and rip it out who you couldn’t talk anymore.”
I was shocked, appalled and frankly, my feelings had been hurt. I stated, “That hurt my feelings, why would you say something like that?”
She replied, “Because I’m not a nice person!”
I stated, “Then how can you work in this profession?” She didn’t answer.

So I spent the rest of August 27th in tears off and on while working my station. About midnight I was hungry and figured food would help my mood. So Christine is sweeping the floor. I make a sandwich and eat it next to the trashcan. She’s going on and on about not making a mess. I dropped two pieces of lettuce from my sandwich onto the floor. I picked them up and put them in the trash. I’m still in tears, I’ve tried to tell management that I’m tired of being mistreated. The manager shrugged and walked away. Christine is still going off on me about making a mess and I was just done, I couldn’t take anymore. I took off my headset and went home.

So I called the next day which was Sunday to the Regional Manager, the Director of Operations, the Corporate Office in Ohio, and then called the Store Manager who said he couldn’t do anything because I had called the RM. Who had called him, then called me and set up a meeting on Monday to talk, which he said was to be Eric, the RM, Wanda and myself. So I arrived and it was just myself, Eric and the RM. I explained what had happened, and the asked what did I want to happen. I informed them that I wanted some sort of blanket reminder of the core values of the company. They informed me this was a one on one thing. I said okay.

However on Friday night I had already started looking for a new job.