Trust & Family

Sam & Dean Winchester

The main thing I’ve loved about Supernatural is the relationship between Sam & Dean. Dean is hot as hell, and pre-Hell he had some awesome zingers. I’m tempted to rewatch SPN and write down all his best lines. I keep watching because I have such a longing for the relationship that Sam & Dean have, basically it is a love story that I have never experienced. A story of love between brothers but ultimately a love between siblings.

I have a sibling, only one, his name is Rob. He’s two years older than I am. I dunno how he feels about me but I have no love for him. We’re in our upper thirties now (Dean is my brother’s age and Sam is two years younger than me I think, and I wish I was their in-between sister) and you’d think that we’d at least have a better relationship, having matured and seeing how you do or do not treat someone. I feel like I’ve done nothing to make my brother treat me the way he does. Maybe I have and I don’t remember it. In my memory my brother was our mother’s favorite. I’ll recall a memory here:

When we lived in Fredericktown I was in the 4-7th grade. In 4th or 5th grade my mother worked nights and got home around 9-ish. We had to be up at 6:30 and on the bus (Rob walked to his school it was across the street) by 7:30. Mom would get mad at me for not waking my brother up in the morning to go to school. Mad as in she would punish me because my brother wouldn’t get up on his own. The problem was Rob wouldn’t listen to me, he wouldn’t get up. (I dumped water on his head one morning and he beat me up.) I had this choice of what was worse, spankings or grounding from my mom when I got home from school or getting beat up for trying to wake my brother in the morning. I often chose the former because if I was lucky I’d get grounded. Now I’ve said that to say this: One day my mother took me out to lunch. We went to a local diner and when we got there, everyone knew her by name, and she was on first name basis with the owner. The owner came over and said, “Where’s Rob?” I dunno why he wasn’t with us. “Who’s this?” The owner asked.
“My daughter, Becky,” she introduced me to the owner.
“I didn’t know you had a daughter.” It was explained to me that all those mornings that Rob wouldn’t get up in the morning, my mother would take him to breakfast at this diner before she took him to school.

I once tried to express my feelings of Rob being the favorite to my Grandmother and she said that I was her favorite. She tells this story about how Rob asked Mom to make him Ham N Beans and she poured water into a pot, added the beans, thrust the ham bone in it and said, “Here’s your Ham N Beans!” The weren’t cooked.

My dad says that my mother played Rob and I against each other. This I can believe but let I’ve never stolen a dryer from my brother. He has stolen one from me. I had an extra washer and dryer being stored at our Aunt Debbie’s. His dryer broke and he asked if I had one. I said I did, I offered to sell it to him for $50 I think. He said it wasn’t worth it. Then Dad called me and then Grandma called me and Rob’s girlfriend called me. I stuck to my guns. If he wanted this dryer he needed to cough up $50 for it. The next day I got a phone call from Aunt Debbie who said very sternly that I should’ve let her know that Rob was coming to get the dryer. I informed her he wasn’t. She then told me that Rob had showed up, said I gave him the dryer, and he took it. I never saw my $50. A friend of his needed a washer and he asked if I still had the washer and I flat out lied, nope. This happened in early 2000’s.

The statement I’m trying to make is why does my brother treat me like this? Why would he do this to me? We’re siblings, he’s supposed to be there for me. We’re supposed to be close and love each other. Why can’t he be my Dean?

Let’s talk about older stuff. When we were kids my mother gave us each a cookie and a half. Rob ate his whole cookie but I still had my cookie and half. He offered to trade me my whole cookie for his half. I was small. He convinced me I would still have the same amount.

I needed a new car. So Rob convinced me to buy this 1978 Ford Bronco that he wanted. I drove it for a couple months and the belts broke. My dad fixed it, and then again they broke, but forcing the truck home ruptured the transmission lines. So my dad said why don’t I drive his Mercury Cougar while he drove the Bronco because he could work on it at his work. I agreed. Couple weeks later he says he traded the Bronco to Rob for the “Red Truck” (it was an old truck with a utility bed). I drove that Cougar for over a year, until my wedding day. My dad asked to borrow it, his date to my reception couldn’t ride in the dirty “Red Truck.” I never saw the Cougar again.

As you can tell I have multiple reasons for not being very trusting in family. My brother asked to borrow $1000. Said he needed it for a downpayment for his girlfriend to have her own salon. This was a Friday and he said he could pay me back on Monday. I agreed. (This was 2010.) I waited 2 weeks called him up 3 Mondays later and asked for that $1000. He hung up on me, wouldn’t talk to me. Finally said he never borrowed money from me. Our dad was the one who convinced me to give him the money.

So now let’s talk about the present. I gave my husband permission to buy a 2000 Ford Explorer with 175,000 miles on it for $650. We took it yesterday to be state safety inspected. It drove there, drove into the garage, but they couldn’t get it started. Said it wasn’t getting any fuel pressure. Said I needed a new fuel pump. This is Telle Tire, a shop I’ve talked about in an older post. My Blazer So the combination of my dad and brother have offered to replace the fuel pump, ball joint and tire (so it will run and pass inspection). I’m so worried that my brother will lie to me that the engine blew or something so he can get a free working Explorer with low miles. This anxiety is making me sick to my stomach and I’ve been on the edge of tears all day.

The relationship between my brother and I should’ve never come to the point that I expect him to try to cheat me or lie to me.


Divergent Review

Number 1, I have not read the book so I don’t have that to compare to. Actually I might read the book simply because the movie kinda left me with that “Well what happens next?” feeling.

Number 2, sometimes you can get an idea how a movie is gonna be from the trailer. I totally had the plot all wrong on this movie. From the trailer I expected this movie to be: Girl gets labeled as Divergent, Girl joins or get rescued by other Divergents, secret training montage, Divergents overthrow the government. Boy was I wrong. This was an hour and a half of Girl surviving futuristic post apocalyptic bootcamp. I sat through this movie thinking, so when does she meet up with other Divergents? I also thought the factionless were also Divergents, but they kinda seemed like lobotomized psych ward patients.

Number 3, the plot I had envisioned from the trailer would’ve been better than what the movie gave me.

Number 4, I absolutely saw no old people or young children in Dauntless except the one leader dude who was obviously middle aged. So where did the “Dauntless Born” come from? You might have to give me the “Where do Dauntless babies come from?” explanation. I hope that in reading the book this is fleshed out.

Number 5, they never give a clear reason why the wall was built. To keep King Kong out? Godzilla? Kaiju? All you get is, “They built it for a reason.”

I didn’t like the movie, and if they make a Divergent 2, I don’t think I’ll watch it. I dig post apocalyptic movies, creature features, sci-fi and horror. This just seemed like a retelling of G.I. Jane.

The purpose of this blog…

I love easily. I love fictional characters even easier. I have something called, “The Wall of Men.” I have posters of Doctor Who, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Supernatural, Godzilla, the Avengers, and multiple posters of dragons. Also on the wall are a large photo of Sherlock, Vincent D’onfornio, Mike Vogel, Nick Lea, James Purefoy, Richard Armitage, Timothy Olyphant, Misha Collins, Jared Leto, Kain from Blood Omen 2, and Aidan Turner. I go through phases of who I’m currently a bleeding heart for.

And the guy sitting there, he’s my husband. The one who will always have my heart.