Decisions & How to Fuck Up at Work

If only this worked 100% of the time. Now before you say it can, I have a husband, two children, a mortgage and car payment… and credit card debt and some loan debt. Decisions are now made based upon what is the best choice for us as a family unit.

I posted this in reference to work actually. So I fucked up yesterday. Not royally, not in front of any customers, and nothing that would affect the reputation or sales of the company. What I did was call a supervisor a dick. Not to her face not to her supervisor, but to a lateral supervisor.

I owned up to it. I sent an e-mail to my manager about being angry and how I lashed out and how unprofessional it was and I apologized.

I was angry because I had been placed in a boring position and was lonely and no one came and checked on me for four and a half hours. I literally felt forgotten about. No one came by and asked if I needed anything, or if I was doing okay. So I was seething and angry, and just stewing about how I hadn’t gotten a break. It wasn’t this shift, it was a lot of shifts that once I got lunch, I didn’t get another break, and I worked a shift where I got nothing, no break, no lunch. So this shift it seemed that I wasn’t getting a break (and I didn’t get one) and I felt like it was because this one Head Cashier doesn’t like me. (Probably anxiety talking, where I feel like I just bother people by breathing.) I felt singled out, so I told the Head Cashier, not the one that I think doesn’t like me, but another one that So & So is Dick. The Head Cashier said I shouldn’t say that, especially to another Head Cashier and she wouldn’t say anything.

So after I sent the e-mail, I sat there and wondered if I had made the right decision. I mean the Head Cashier said she wouldn’t say anything (but I didn’t trust her) figured she might tell it as a story to someone else, and then someone else would go tell the Head Cashier I think doesn’t like me. I’m still second guessing if I should’ve sent the e-mail or not. If I’m going to have a job when I show up to work on Thursday. I’m literally drowning in anxiety here.

My biggest problem is I’ll make a decision, then later worry about if I made the wrong one, then change my decision and again worry if the I had made the right choice the first time.

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The Year in Review…

I’m writing this before work while eating toast trying to get rid of a hangover if that says anything about 2016 I dunno what does.

2016 for me was a horrible year, not as bad as 2015 according to my husband. In 2015 I was hospitalized for suicidal tendencies. I had lost my job, a dream job that I had finally decided to make a career. I had friends, I had great connections, and once I was fired I was suddenly non existent to these friends and connections. I felt invisible and was overwhelmed with loneliness and self loathing that I thought the only way to solve my problems was to remove myself from this world. Then after getting help, getting medication, and getting better, my brother-in-law was arrested for downloading child pornography and molesting my daughter, all under my roof and I didn’t know it until the police barged through the door. I panic now at loud noises. However that was 2015, we’re here to talk about 2016.

2016 brought bed bugs, head lice, mites (on the rats) and fleas. So basically the year of the parasites. I had to borrow money to pay for a heat treatment for the bedbugs, took 3 weeks to get rid of my daughter’s head lice (you wanna know what worked? Vinegar, she smelled like a salad for a while, and after drenching her head in straight vinegar I spent 2 hours pulling out nits.) I’m still battling fleas. I’m hoping once it turns cold and stays cold, I’ll be able to  get rid of them.

2016 also brought change. I changed jobs twice. In February I got a job at KFC, liked my work, liked my hours, was offered full time, was making minimum wage though. I quit because the management didn’t like me and when I worked, I worked entirely with management. When I accepted full time I went from 40 hours a week to 10. I quit in April and started at Wendy’s. Once again I liked what I did, the hours weren’t bad. I was hired to close the dining room, so when I cleaned the dining room I listened to audiobooks (which is how I managed to read so many books this year). This job was the opposite of KFC, the management liked me, but my coworkers did not. My coworkers were some of the laziest, unkind, and entitled acting people I’d ever met. I spent so much of my blog complaining about the goings on at Wendy’s. So I went looking for a new job, got one at MotoMart making $0.75 more an hour. I quit after 3 days! I’m so glad I did. I was treated worse there than any other place I’d ever worked. In November I quit Wendy’s and got a job beginning of December with Lowe’s. They pay me a lot more, but work my a lot less. Still the paychecks are about the same. I like Lowe’s better so far, the management and the co workers all seem cool.

2016 brought new lessons in home-ownership, like calling two different a/c repair guys and one telling me I need a new a/c unit and the other just cleaning it (which fixed its problems.) In December the bathtub drain started to leak and I’m so very proud of myself, watched YouTube videos and replaced the tub drain for about $30 and it only took maybe an hour of work. I spent most of the time playing with the plumber’s putty. Also the desktop computer crapped out twice, which caused me to replace the outlet it is plugged into on my own. Once again, only cost like $20 and took me maybe 30 minutes. We also learned the difference between “power strip” and “surge protector.”

2016 saw me return to World of Warcraft after watching the Warcraft movie. I’m in a good guild, with good people, who play everyday and we chat in Discord, every day. I started streaming my gaming, but I’m not the greatest at commentary, but I’m working on it. I’m also crocheting so much I decided to open up an Etsy shop. We’ll see how long this goes. I’m currently making a scarf and a shawl to put up for sale. Might make an afghan too.

2016 gave Paul a car, he has a Hyundai Genesis now, so now no more new car envy, well except the fact the car is gold and not maroon or blue which are his favorite colors. We have a car payment (which is why I have a job) for the first time in years. This car is also a lot newer than any car we’ve ever bought. Before though we bought an old Ford Explorer for $650, then put $300 with the work into to get it legal. Then we traded it in on the Genesis, how much did they give us for it? $400.

I lost my grandmother in July of 2016, other than some cousins I haven’t seen since my mother’s funeral I have no living family on my mother’s side. It was also the first time I ever planned a funeral. I have all of grandma’s things from the nursing home, and most I threw away, but I still have her recliner, no idea what to do with it.

I gained a cat in 2016, Black Betty, who is the perfect cat except that she’s really gross and will sneeze globs and strings of snot everywhere. She sleeps by my arms at night, she rides on my shoulders, she’s annoying, but not a much as the other cats. I also gained a dog, I have a Beagle named Maggie and her whining for whatever she wants bugs the hell out of me. Last night she kept pacing the room, and I have hardwood floors so all I heard was tap, tap, tap, tap, She’s a good dog, but the most annoying pet I own. She whines for everything! To be petted, to get on the couch, to be fed, to be watered, to go outside, for a treat, to go for a walk, to ride in the car…

I admit my 2016 blog was mostly about depression and how work sucked, but it also was something else. It was the first time I kept up a blog. I mean I picked blogging back up in May and yes there are some gaps in there. I didn’t blog everyday (my life isn’t that exciting or dramatic) but I managed to blog at least several times a month. I’ve been playing Sims 3 and I could do a whole blog about the drama in that game! Or like how I laid in bed last night wondering if I was a Sim…

I hope to post about my resolutions next (there aren’t that many) and hopefully find a way to keep them.

Also today is my mother’s birthday. She’d have been 58.

The Dream Became Real

I walked out on my job Saturday night. I was scheduled off Sunday, and scheduled to work today, but I think I’m not going. So let’s talk about Saturday night.
I used to like Jaslene. I thought she was cool, funny, and assumed she liked me too. Because of my depression, my mood has been all silence and sadness and suicidal thoughts and trying to hold back tears and still function. I dreaded going to work so much I got an upset stomach just thinking about work.
So for the three shifts of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, she’s been unapproachable. I mean, earbuds in as soon as she gets there. She’s lately been the drive thru sandwich maker every shift, and because we’ve been short handed, we’ve not been able to open inside sandwiches. However, even the times inside sandwiches can be opened, she still does this annoying thing. The way we’ve always done it, is when the sandwiches are made for an order, they get put on the counter where drive thru packs the orders. Basically a sign that the sandwiches for that order are done. When they’re for the front counter, they get put on the other side of the bread toaster. Jaslene doesn’t do this, she just leaves the sandwiches on the sandwich board. So I have no idea if they’re for inside or drive and she doesn’t make the orders in order either, she makes drive thru’s sandwiches before she makes inside. He excuse was and I quote, “Inside can wait.” However you can’t ask her what the sandwiches are for because she has in earbuds! So it is completely confusing. I wanted so badly to say, “If you can’t be bothered to put the sandwiches where they go, you could at least have the courtesy of calling out that a particular order is up.”
Wednesday night, she’s making sandwiches, and I’m on drive thru, I needed a thumb to correct an order. So I call for Brenton through the headset to come and fix this order. Jaslene loses her shit because I didn’t ask for her thumb. She’s not talking to me about it though,she’s talking to anyone else in earshot about how I didn’t ask for her thumb and if I was gonna be this way, then I was just gonna be this way. I wanted to say, and didn’t, “You’ve been unapproachable for the last 3 shifts!”
I called in Friday, I played hooky, but wound up in the ER with my husband for most of my shift anyway. He had chest pains. He’s fine, ER did a stress test, it wasn’t his heart they are thinking gastrointestinal.
Saturday I went into work. I’m on drive thru, Jaslene is put on drive thru with me. She wasn’t scheduled to close, but I had no idea what time she was supposed to leave, cause at first she says she’s leaving at 8 PM. Jaslene didn’t want to work drive with me, she asked everyone to change positions with her, no one would. I was order taking and drink making, she was on back cash. All she did was stand at her register, no headset on, and drum her nails on the counter, and play on her phone. She didn’t pack orders (usually back cash kinda gets forced to packing orders when we’re short handed), she just stood there. Then she kept disappearing, I’d turn around and she’d be gone. Orders would need to be cashed out, packed and handed out. She’s show up a few minutes later, it wasn’t like she had gone to get something that needed stocking, nope, cause she called out that she needed napkins. Between 5 PM & 8 PM she left three times to ‘go eat,’ and one time the manager yelled at her to hurry up. So 8 PM shows  up and she’s still there, by now drive thru has slowed down and she’s technically still on back cash but had migrated to working fries rather than back cashing, so I was now taking orders, making drinks, cashing and handing them out (we usually don’t do this until 10 PM). Well at 9:10 she calls out that she’s got 50 minutes left and by this time I’m internally saying ‘Hallelujah’ cause once she’s gone she’ll be out of my hair and my night will get better.
10 PM comes and she’s migrated to making sandwiches again and she says to the manager she’ll stay to close, the manager says, “Thank you.” Then they go on about how great Jaslene is for staying. She does this all the time though. I’d be surprised the one night she doesn’t stay. I literally can’t work with this girl anymore.
I try to tell management that, and Jaslene says over me, “I don’t care.” I try to tell management that I don’t like the way I’m treated by her and Jaslene says over me, “I don’t care.” So I took off my headset, put it down.
“You don’t need me anymore,” I tried to clock out, can’t because I have to be checked out before I can clock out and just left.
I told my husband what happened, and he asked if I was going to go back to work Monday, and nope, probably not.

Now here’s the thing, I already got a job lined up, I just wasn’t going to quit my fast food job until I found another job. I was making $7.75 an hour. My new job is offering $11.49 an hour. I just have to pass a drug and background check, which as I just typed that, wondered if they’ll find and read my blog. So I googled myself, and was pleasantly surprised that the only footprint I have are my LinkedIn and Facebook show up. My FB is nicely underwraps, I’m careful about public posts and my LinkedIn is meant for employers to look at.

Blogging About Work

My blog is my vent lately and the only thing upsetting me is my job. I’ve already started to look for a new one, I’ve a job interview with Lowe’s on Thursday at 3 PM. I’m gonna have to google soon about how to best present myself and impress upon the interviewer that I’m a good candidate for a cashier. Let’s go back to my current soul sucking job. I’ve been trying to look up how to deal with the people I work with. I’m seriously hoping that I only have to deal with them for a few more days (end of November at the most) but I actually dread working drive thru with Wanda. Remember I mentioned that she told me we couldn’t work drive thru together because we both have big butts. (Now I’m thinking I should go back to working out, even have a work out CD I like. Or meditate. I need to do something! I think I’m gonna post maybe tomorrow about making changes in my life.)

Anyway, last night at work I came across this website: 11 Signs Your Job is Making You Miserable As I read the list, so many of these were me exactly. So many so that I started reading them outloud to my boss (who knows I hate my job, but he can’t do a damn thing about it) and he just shook his head.

Actually let me take this time to mention the management team at my fast food job. Impotent. I’ve never really used that word to describe people but I’ve never seen a group of people who are management who are so powerless. It isn’t that management there sucks, it’s because they’re hands are constantly tied by the general manager. The only form of discipline they have at work is to send you home and reduce your number of hours scheduled. Yup, that is it.

There is an employee who only works one, five hour shift, that is all he’s scheduled and the management complains (I listen to them and they tell me things) that all they can do is send him home because he won’t work, and when they tell him to do his job he argues with them. Now they have fired a couple of people, one girl for standing at the fry station, eating fries right out of the bin… while standing at the fry station. They managed to fire three people who were friends, who all got hired on to work the closing shift, after a week all three of them couldn’t work past 10 PM (close shift if 1 AM and 2 AM) and they all have to work the same shift because apparently they carpool (only one drives) and if one of them gets angry and walks out, all three of them walk out because they don’t want to get left behind. They also were notorious for picking up extra shifts, and not working them for some reason or other. Two of the three used relatives dying as a reason to not perform at work. Management tried to send them home, but they claimed they needed the money.

So I was informed these people were fired, and suddenly this entire page of open shifts appeared on the notice board. Usually night shifts are the only open ones, but this was days too. After about two days I noticed that the people who were supposed to have been fired were signed up to fill these open shifts.

I understand we’re desperate for people, but we need to enforce some way of getting people to work. Once people realize they won’t get fired, their productivity plummets. Then morale goes with it, because we’re picking up their slack, not getting paid anymore for it, and they’re at work on their phones, sitting around, not doing anything and getting paid for it.

Now here I am, clinging to a high work ethic that won’t let me be late to work or take an extended break without having an anxiety attack. I treat all guests with politeness, courtesy and sympathy. I smile, I seem happy. I greeted a guest through the speaker and she commented on how cheerful I was and I said, “It’s all an act.” She replied, “No one can fake that.” And we both laughed.

This is my problem: I love my job but hate the people I work with.

It isn’t even just that I don’t like the people I work with. I don’t like how they treat me. Last night wasn’t so bad because they mostly left me alone. They left me alone because I was in a position that didn’t have much to deal with theirs, they were the drive thru team and I worked front counter. I’m a huge forgive and forget type, but I’ve gotten to the point I’m afraid to say anything or even make eye contact with them because I don’t want them to verbally hurt me. (After typing that I think that sounds so stupid, aren’t calling me names, so maybe I’m over thinking it, maybe I just think they’re being mean to me.)

Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me I just found this blog. Is it just anxiety or do the people I work with actually hate me? I mean last night the girls made a mess in the dining room for me to clean up and I even overheard one saying in disbelief that the other one was going to do it. I just cleaned it up, didn’t say anything about it. So now I’m wondering if they always made a mess or did they do it because I was cleaning the dining room that night? This is the shit I deal with, I go back and forth between is it me or is it all in my head?

I remember in therapy that I told a story about two coworkers who were a couple, and invited them to dinner and games at my house. I set a date and time in the future, texted them, and didn’t get a reply from either. Texted them again closer to the date, asking if this time was okay for them. Didn’t get a reply. Asked them in person at work why they didn’t respond to my text about dinner. Both claimed they had been busy. So I asked in person if the date was okay. Both said yes. Neither showed up for dinner. Neither called to cancel, and when I confronted them about it (which is something I normally do, I avoid confrontation) I was informed they both had felt that I would make them feel uncomfortable in such an intimate setting. I was crushed. I had put a lot of time, money and effort into these dinner plans. I totally attacked myself over it: What had I done to make them feel uncomfortable around me? What had I done that made them feel they couldn’t say no to the dinner plans? What was wrong with me that caused them to act this way? My therapist said, “I would’ve totally flipped the other way: What was wrong with them?

If anyone has read this post all the way through, look back through it, it is all about me being the victim, and all about what is wrong with me? Maybe it isn’t me, maybe it isn’t in my head, maybe the girls I work with have something wrong with them that causes them to treat me as such.

However I have no idea how to (I don’t even want to repair relationships) not be bothered by them.

Let’s Talk Anxiety

When I was diagnosed with clinical depression I was not diagnosed with anxiety because I was diagnosed shortly after being hospitalized because I had reached the breaking point in my life. I actually had reached out to my husband and told him I was suicidal and if someone didn’t stop me I wasn’t much longer for this world. We didn’t know how to get help, or who to go to, so we went to the urgent care, who sent us to the ER, who then admitted me. I didn’t realize I was being admitted until they took my clothes and locked them up. They asked me lots of questions about anxiety and if I heard voices or saw things that weren’t there, about drug and alcohol use. I was so far over the bend that all I could think about was my depression and how worthless I was, how low I felt. While they were admitting me I felt that I was wasting their time with my problems. I wondered why they were bothering with me, surely there were people who were more worthy of help than me.

Now I don’t think I’ve ever had a panic attack, where you’re immobilized, unable to act, but lately I’ve been dreading work so much that I’ve actually felt sick to my stomach on my way to work. It takes everything inside me to go to work everyday. I try to be invisible at work lately. I don’t talk to the others, don’t joke, don’t even just hover around their conversation. I try to keep busy, out of their way, and silent. I hate working a position where I have to communicate with one of them. I don’t think if I have to work drive thru with a non-manager I’ll be able to do it. I’m not sure if this is anxiety or just part of my depression.

FAILURE

I spent a great deal of time trying to decide how to title this post because I have a lot I want to talk about, and some of it very personal and I wasn’t sure if I should write it in my journal or just say, “Fuck it,” and blog about it.

My depression is really bothering me. I stopped taking my meds back in February, because I missed my appointment with my therapist and never called to reschedule, without the appointment, I was never able to get my prescription refilled.

Up until about a month or two ago (?) whenever I had my meltdown at work and walked out. I was actually feeling fine. I wasn’t suicidal, I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts. I mean life was slinging shit at me the entire time too. We made a bad judgement call on a vehicle purchase, my daughter had head lice that would not go away, I was dealing with a workplace troll, I made the decision to quit my current job for what I thought was going to be a better one, discovered in 3 days it was a wrong decision. Right now I’m up to my ass in OT and my husband (who makes twice what I do) is no longer allowed OT.

So let’s talk about last night at work (and this isn’t even election related) a girl I like, who I actually considered a work friend, got off at 11 PM. The store closed at 12 AM, and we were scheduled to clean until 1 AM. Normally we get out about 12:30. I closed dining room and sandwiches. Sandwiches scrubs the floors in the kitchen. Normally most of the floors are done at 9 PM, I was not on sandwiches until 11 PM. So I tried to get the station ready to close when the store closed, and hoped to get the mopping done around close or shortly after. Normally the part of the floor to be mopped at close is about 12 ft by 4 ft. When I started sweeping I realized I had to mop the entire kitchen. Let’s get back to the work friend. She’s been off since 11 AM. She left, then came back and climbed into the store through the drive through window, because the doors to the dining room were locked. Then she sat on the floor of the manager’s office. At 12:30 I’m almost done sweeping the floor when Jaslene is dragging this girl out of the manager’s office by her arm. Not figuratively. The girl is laying on the floor and Jaslene is dragging her where I’m about to sweep. I admit, I’m tired, I’m cranky. I wanted to go home. So I yelled at them, but when I started yelling, Jaslene disappeared and the girl caught the brunt of it. She then screams at me for yelling at her, and tells me I shouldn’t ever talk like that to her again. She goes back into the manager’s office. I stand there dumbfounded a moment. Then I walk into the manager’s office and apologized for losing my cool. She ignored me and left the office and sat in the dining room. I went back to my work, there was nothing else I could do. So about a quarter till 1 AM (the floors are done, but I noticed that some tables needed wiping) she comes up to me, apologizes to me for yelling and asks that I don’t talk to her again. I said, “Okay.” After I clocked out I sat in my truck and sobbed for a good five minutes.

After looking at the last several posts about problems at work, I wonder to myself: Why can’t I get along with people at work? What is so wrong with me that I’m constantly making others angry at me? This is twice in a week I’ve broke down at work, and had to apologize for lashing out. I usually don’t have a temper or a short fuse.

Do other people wake up in the morning and realize how much of a failure they are? I feel like a failure as a person, failure at life, and normally everything else. I mean I’m stressing out over the relationships at a minimum wage fast food job that I can’t just walk out of because now we have a car payment. I wanted so much for last night to be my last shift, but here I am, blogging in my work uniform, actually waiting to leave to go to work.

I did put in 2 applications, hopefully I’ll hear something back. I’m off work tomorrow and hope to not only get my words in, but to get more applications out.

Now for the part I really didn’t want to blog about. I’ve started having suicidal thoughts again. It isn’t everyday like it was back in July when I was hospitalized. I’m just thinking that I should end it and clear the way for a better replacement of ME.

0 Self Confidence @Work

I dream of a better job, and I dream of quitting my job, and then I took on extra hours. I’m scheduled 50 hours next week, I have 1 day off, Thursday. (I’m also trying to write a novel this month.) However they approved to allow me to come into work late on Sundays for the month of November so I can attend the weekly write-ins.

I really don’t know where to begin or how much is all in my head, and how much to believe. Let’s start with the burn. I was pulling putting back the fryer filter when a coworker we’ll call Chloe, is trying to put nuggets in the fryer next to where I’m kneeling. As she’s dropping nuggets in, I’ve got my arm on the edge of the fryer about to come up to my feet from my knees. A nugget goes plop and I get burned. It hurt. So I clutch my arm to me in pain. Another coworker (I think we call her Vanessa) was standing on the other side of me. She’s saying over and over, “It was one drop! It was one drop! It was one drop!” Well it wasn’t one drop. I’ve got one nickel sized burn, 2 dime sized ones, and a couple of pencil eraser sized ones one both sides of my arm. They hurt. I keep telling Vanessa it hurts. The Manager is agreeing with me. I finish what I was doing, then go to the sink and run cold water over the burns. Vanessa is wailing, mocking me, saying my reaction for clutching my arm to me was delayed and it was only one drop!


I keep telling Vanessa it hurts! It feels like my arm is on fire. Brett, God bless his little cotton socks, brings me a triple antibiotic packet from the first aid kit and says this will help. I thank him. He is the nicest guy sometimes, and I honestly think sometimes, the only one at work who actually likes me.

So I attempt to go on with my shift, I have another fryer to clean, I’m keeping meat up on the holding grill, I’m giving the girl on sandwiches all the spicy chicken she keeps asking for. So I keep hearing Vanessa wail and the girls laughing and joking. I think they’re laughing and joking about me, because I hear Vanessa say, “I got hit in the neck with a fry!” Then she gives this loud wail. So my mood is just tanking. I keep waiting for her to lose interest in the fact she thinks I’m over reacting to being burned. Two hours of this goes on, and I’m seriously trying not to cry. I’m literally yelling at myself in my mind that I’m a grown woman of 35, and I shouldn’t be crying! She is still carrying on to the point that the manager tells her to shut up! The girl on sandwiches tells her to calm down.


I finally decided I need to confront Vanessa about how her mocking me is affecting me. I hear her say, “I almost got hit by a nugget,” Then she wails again. Then I overhear her talking about how I used to call her, ‘Bro Bro,’ which I never did. I was calling Conspiracy Theorist Guy, Bry Bry. So this is how I think she’s about me and I need to make her stop.

I say, “Vanessa! You’re a horrible person for mocking me. You’ve hurt my feelings,” I’m crying freely now.

She says, “Naw I wasn’t talking about you! That was earlier. What made you think I was talking about you?” I tell her her about the wailing she’s been doing all night and she says that is her mating call. She wailed again.

So my self confidence decided to run off and join the other side. Now I’m thinking: What if it’s all in my head? What if she’s right and I’ve just been stewing in my own juices? What if I’m overreacting and over thinking things?


She tells me not to cry and she doesn’t want me to cry. I’m feeling stupid, and of course the tears are flowing faster. The whole shift has come to a stop, I mean everyone is watching. I’m sorry for calling her horrible. I kinda nod that I accept what she’s said. It wasn’t her, it was all in my head and we just go back to work. Nothing is said about it the rest of night.

Now this part I know is in my head, because I heard nothing and made up what I wanted to believe. Jaslene and Brett have been having this work fling thing. They go out to the dumpster together and I think they make out, but I’ve never seen them. Other co workers are speculating that Jaslene just wants an affair and Brett doesn’t seem like the type to settle down with a girl. Anyway after I had my break down, they have a sort of break-up for a couple of hours. They didn’t flirt at all. I mean the entire time my mood was in the shitter, they didn’t flirt. They started flirting again when my mood was better. I think they know I watch them, I don’t say anything except the off sexual comment. Jaslene had the sprayer hose and was trying to spray Brett who was across the room. I shout, “There are better ways to make him wet!”
I like to think that they didn’t flirt while I was feeling sorry for myself and crying was because they had enough respect or liked me enough to not show how great everything was between them while I was feeling so shitty. I have no idea why they didn’t flirt, maybe the manager was watching, dunno. I really shouldn’t be up in the business but I usually say comments about their relationship and Brett agrees with me.